Refusal to marry the youngest daughter before the eldest perpetuates grudges within Egyptian families. Ahmed Hafez, exaggerated attention to the way people view marriage rituals, leads to family problems. Friday 08/13/2021 The family’s adherence to customs and traditions creates discord between sisters, despite the development of the social and cultural levels of most Egyptian families, but many of them still refuse to marry the young girl before the eldest, adhering to customs and traditions and fearing the view of people, especially the family environment. Family relations experts believe that this behavior produces different types of discord and conflict between sisters within the same family, which is difficult to treat, especially if the rejection is for flimsy reasons. CAIRO – When Maryam Mohamed, an Egyptian university student, informed her mother that her college classmate wanted to propose to her from her family, she was shocked by the mother's reaction, who categorically refused and told her that her older sister had not married, and this is one of the shameful things in Egypt that the youngest daughter's marriage contract Before her sister, who is still unmarried. The girl tried to convince her mother that the young man has high morals, has good financial conditions, and his father has a private company, meaning that this is a valuable opportunity to be associated with a suitable person regardless of whether her older sister is married or not. other and meet the young man and talk to him. Maryam resorted to her older sister and told her the situation and was surprised that she agreed to her marriage and that her marriage to a suitable young man should not be disrupted because of her, but the mother did not change her position and decided to inform the father, whose opinion was in harmony with his wife’s words, that marrying the youngest before the older one rises to the rank of scandal, because people You will not look at a girl who missed the train of marriage and married her younger sister before her. What is remarkable is that Maryam’s parents have a university education, meaning that they possess enough awareness to renounce the outdated family and social customs associated with marriage, and decide the lives of their children away from traditions and external interference in the family’s life, but it seems that the matter is far from education as much as Associated with the sanctification of customs, even if it was an entrance to the misery of children. Hala Mansour: Families’ exaggerated interest in people’s perception creates family problems, and many families in Egypt still refuse to marry off the youngest girl before the eldest is an ongoing phenomenon, and it is not just individual facts that can be treated. And frustrated about the sister who did not marry before the youngest, without caring about the impact of this on the relationship of the girls with each other. And if the older sister sometimes deals with the marriage of the younger one comfortably without grumbling or resentment, then the same family standing in front of her happiness just because the eldest of her is not married, is an entry point to planting grudges between the girls and accusing each other of being the cause of her misery and standing in the face of her marriage to the person who see fit for her. This results in spreading different types of strife and conflict between sisters within the same family, and this is difficult to remedy, especially if the disharmony is caused by one of them disrupting the marriage of the other for any reason. Resorting to the argument of people's hints and judgments that affect the reputation of the older girl and consider her to be full of flaws. Many families in Egypt do not realize that their refusal to marry the younger sister before her older sisters for reasons related to spinsterhood and avoiding people’s words may expose them to moral harm and lose their confidence in themselves, no matter how hard they try to hide it, as they feel the difficulty of their marriage easily or they do not have positive features that attract young people to associate with them. And that disrupting the marriage of the small is the entrance to their happiness. A young man proposed to the girl’s sister, Amal Issa, who resides in a village in the Beheira governorate, north of Cairo, but her father shouted in the face of her sister simply because she had agreed to marry him, and she wanted to bypass her older sister’s arrangement. A phrase that Amal did not easily forget and felt very insulting. When a young girl is beautiful, and years without marriage, she is chased by bad statements and accusations that challenge her behavior, and the girl realizes that her sister is more beautiful and elegant by virtue of her work as a teacher in a school and mixes with people, while she does not go out of the house and does not care for herself to the reasonable extent because she holds an education certificate Average, that is, it is normal for more than one young man to propose to her, but the father rejected all attempts to marry the little girl, to the extent that some relatives hinted that she (that is, the little one) also had defects. Amal said to “Al-Arab” that when a young girl is beautiful and accepted by young people as a wife, and years pass without marriage, she is haunted by bad statements and accusations that challenge her behavior, without caring that the family is the one who rejects her marriage before her older sister, and because people are ruthless, especially in rural and popular environments. They spread rumors and judgments that affect the reputation of the small and the great. The problem of many parents is that when certain families decide to marry the young girl before the older one, they make comparisons between sisters; This is more beautiful and creative, and the other is spinster due to many faults, and there are many entrances to the crisis between people’s words and the tension in the relationship between sisters, and negative feelings such as blame, jealousy and sometimes hatred are deepened because one of them feels that the second is standing in front of her happiness. Hala Mansour, a professor of sociology and researcher in family affairs in Cairo, said that whatever the family's motives are noble when it refuses to marry the young before the old, it does not realize the dangers of this on the relationship between sisters in the future, especially if the marriage of the younger sister is also disrupted, and there becomes a psychological gap between Migraines may persist for a long time and are difficult for parents to treat. She added to “Al-Arab” that families' exaggerated interest in people's view of marriage rituals causes great family problems, as the father and mother may not be convinced of the idea of marrying the eldest daughter first, but they manage their family affairs according to old customs and traditions that are not legitimate in anything and they do not believe in them. Rather, they resort to custom under strange motives such as spinsterhood, although this name should not be used. She pointed out that the biggest problem lies in the possibility of the older sister accepting anyone who proposes to her, even if she is not satisfied with marrying him to satisfy her family and to escape harsh insinuations, which puts her family life at risk, because of her association with the unsuitable young man for her, and this complicates matters, and the marital relationship may fail Soon, the father and the mother live in an even greater crisis as a result of the arranged marriage. Many experts concerned with family affairs advise that the freedom to be left to the sisters themselves to decide their fate with each other without family interference from the father and the mother, if there is agreement between the young and old on marriage away from precedence and arrangement, there should be no contradictory visions on the part of the parents on that As long as the sisters agree and there is no reason to suspend the marriage of any of them. They affirm that leaving freedom for girls within the same family to agree about their marital lifestyle and respect their feelings without interference would spare them jealousy and hatred, or the outbreak of disputes that would reach the point of estrangement in a way that affects the brotherly ties within the family entity so that the relationship continues based on love, satisfaction and common interest, not Self love and selfishness. Ahmed Hafez is an Egyptian writer 21