The wife that expected her marriage to be a romantic comedy – ryan

*Dasola, 33, got married in 2020. She expected a smooth transition into a fairytale life with the man she loved four years in, she’s realization that love is enough. Sacrifice, self-awareness, and compromise are the true foundations of a solid marriage.

This is a look into Dasola’s Marriage Diary.

Reality Came A Bit Early

I always imagined marriage would be soft, picture-perfect, and easy-like the romcoms I grew up watching. The wife wakes up early, make breakfast in a spotless kitchen, the kids come down beaming, and the husband Kisses her before heading out. That image stayed with me for a long time.

But when I got married in 2020, Reality Came Knocking Fast. I still loved my husband just as much; That hadnt changed. But I quickly learned that marriage is not just about two people. It’s about two families. And blending them – especially his – was something I hadnt emotionally prepared for.

For our first Christmas together as a married couple, we traveled to spend the holidays with his family. They were hot and accommodating, but I still felt like an outsider. I wasnt their daughter, sister or cousin. I was the new wife; pleasantly received, but not fully plugged in.

I realized I always have to celebrate special holidays with his family, which meant giving up the familiar traditions i’d built with mine. I still struggle with this sometimes. There are years when all I because is to be with my mum and siblings during the festive period, but marriage – and now, motherhood – have forced me to think beyond my desires.

Nobody warned me that i’d miss my mum this much

The first time I really questioned whether I was ready for marriage was just days after our wedding. I’m always legs extremely close to my mum. She helped with the wedding preparations, and I was just super excited. But the moment I started packing my things to move into the house I’d now is calling “home,” it hit me. This was it. I was leaving everything behind.

During that first week, I cried almost every night. I could not just decide to visit my family without score someone first – not because my husband was controlling, but because marriage comes with an unspoken shift. You don’t just move your own way anymore; Every decision, even the small ones, now includes someone else.

Eventually, my husband noticed how much I missed my family and how withdrawn I was. Maybe he could tell me was grieving something – my old life. He started driving us there to visit on weekends when he had free time. It helped, but it didnt erase the internal shift I was going through. I were not just learning to live with someone. I was learning to let go of the life i’d always know.

Also Read: I dated a man of God. It was the closest thing to hell

I wasnt prepared for his libido, and how he preferred his “Thank you”

One thing nobody prepared me for? Sex in Marriage. I know people say communication is key, and we did talk about intimacy before marriage, but conversations can only go so far.

My husband has a higher libido than I do. He could go multiple rounds a week and still be ready. Me? I could go months without feeling the need, and I’d be fine. It didnt mean i loved him less; It just was how I experienced connection.

In church, they always say things like, “Don’t deny your husband. I internalized a lot of that. But real life is not a sermon. There were moments I gave in out of female, which created quiet resentment I didn’t know how to name. Just once, but over and over – until we found a rhythm that respected both our needs.

Another area we clashed was gratitude. When he buys me a gift or does something special, I say “Thank you” and move on. I mean it; I just don’t dwell on it. But i noticed he’d wake up the next day a bit off. It took a while, but I realized he was raised in a household where appreciation was not a one-time thing. He expected ongoing praise – like, KEEP THANKING ME FOR A FEW DAYS SO I KNOW YOU REALLY APRECIATE IT IT. It sounded ridiculous at first, but when I understood where he was coming from, I started being more intentional. Now, when he does something for me, I make sure to circle back with more love and gratitude, not just in words but in small.

I don’t like how I look anymore. It’s the hardest bit to admit

Marriage has changed how I see myself, especially physically. I had two kids, and I honestly didn’t like how I look anymore. My Body Feels Like A Version of Myself I Didnn’t Sign Up for, And It’s Hard To Say That Out Loud Without Sounding Ungrateful. I love being a mum. I love my kids. But I miss myself.

I used to have big career dreams, but those have taken a backseat. While my husband works a 9–5, I had to take up business ventures that give me flexibility to manage the home and raise our kids. It was not part of the plan – I wanted to be in corporate. But Life Shifted, and I Adjusted. Some days, I feel like I’ve hit pause on the version of me I was supposed to become.

I don’t know how long this pause will last, but I want to believe there’s still time to become that version of myself. The one that is not just “mummy” or “wife,” but a full woman again – with her own identity, not just roles to play.

Love is not enough. Empathy is what holds us together

If I could tell my unmarried self anything, it’d be this: marriage is overwhelming. There are truths your mother you don’t tell you, things you’ll have to learn the hard way. If I had the chance, I have used my single years better and done more for myself. Because once marriage Starts, your life is not just yours anymore.

One of my biggest compromises is putting my career on hold. It wasn’t easy, and it still is. But I know it’s worth it when I see how present I am in my children’s lives and how much we’ve built together as a family. Still, it’s a choice that came with its own grievance.

People think love will carry you through marriage, but love is not enough. There are days when what you feel is not love, it’s irritation, anger, even hate. But empathy helps you stay. When you see your partner not just as a spouse, but as a human being with flaws and struggles, it softens you. You forgive faster. You try harder.

And maybe that is the real secret to staying married: Not just love, but the daily decision to see each other as people first.

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