Separated Coparents Share How Go Back and Forth From Their ‘Kids’ House’ – ryan

Two coparents have revealed their unique family living arrangement after separating a couple of years ago.

Rather than shuffling their kids between two homes, Devin Justine and Brendan decided they would be the ones to rotate in and out. The children stay in the family home full-time, while the parents alternate based on work schedules and custody.

“Initially, it was a very difficult process for everyone,” Devin told Newsweek. “I remember that, in the first week of our separation, I sat with Brendan and told him … I would never use the kids to hurt him. From that point on, we would be a team for them, no matter what it took.”

The arrangement—also known as birdnesting—came as a way to ease the emotional burden on their two children who were still very young and sleep-trained at the time.

Devin posted a short clip on Instagram (@devijustine), showing viewers the moment they walk back into the ‘kids’ home’ each time.

“Every week is a little different, and thankfully we have a system currently that can support this lifestyle,” Devin wrote in the caption.

Brendan, a firefighter with 24- to 72-hour shifts, often left the house empty. Justine began staying at the home during his shifts, and it quickly became clear how much better their children responded to this stability.

“We considered different living arrangements—a house on the same street, a duplex, or him getting an apartment nearby,” Devin said. “Ultimately, we decided to build a shared apartment above the garage (and) we’ll begin construction this summer.”

The goal, she added, isn’t to remain cohabiting forever—it is about preserving their children’s routines and sense of home. Outside the shared house, Brendan uses his fire stations as a second home, while Devin lives in an apartment above her parents’ garage.

“I wanted them to see two people who loved them working together and still thriving, no matter what had happened in the past,” Devin said. “Life would not stop us from thriving, and I’m very lucky that my ex had the same mindset.”

There are pros and cons to their living situation, though, Devin said. “I miss my kids. Sometimes, I’ll start driving to the kids’ house at the end of the day, only to realize halfway there that it’s not my night.”

Divorce attorney Renee Bauer told Newsweek that, while birdnesting can work for some, it often runs its course, and eventually, one parent may want to end the arrangement.

“When someone starts a new relationship, nesting complicates things,” Bauer said. “When they are forced to continue to co-pay living expenses, it can be messy. I’ve seen couples argue (about) who was eating each other’s food in a nesting situation.”

Bauer also said that nesting can be confusing for children. “As much as the parents are doing it for the right reasons, I think it actually is harder for them to adjust to having separated parents,” she said.

But, for Devin and Brendan, their arrangement seems to be paying off. The mom-of-two was pleased to report that the kids seem well grounded and their routines have remained the same.

“We make a point to parent on the same level, so they know nothing will change depending on who’s in the house,” Devin added.

She also said that this setup isn’t for everyone and takes two people willing to work as a team, despite a marriage not working.

“It’s hard, but I would challenge anyone on a single-parent journey—whether they have a good ex or not—to think outside the box,” Devin said.

“The only thing you truly have control over in life is you, your actions, your emotions. So, what are you going to do about that? How are you going to be the best version of yourself for your kids today?”