From a partner to a savior … errors we make unconsciously in love – ryan

Sometimes we believe that we are looking for love, for a partner that resembles us, completes us, intersects with us in desires and dreams. However, in the depths of the subconscious, there is another more sincere and confusing question:

Are we really looking for a life partner … or for someone who saves us from an old pain that has not yet been recovered?

Emotional choices do not occur in a vacuum. It is often the product of previous experiences, hidden psychological scars, and internal pictures of memory carved from childhood, and then died in the depths of the soul. And what we are “love at first sight” may sometimes be a familiar response to a wound that we have not been treated.

The old wound … and the new relationship

In childhood, we need to contain, ratification, and unconditional love. And if we do not get it, we grow up and we are looking for it in other places subconscious. We may be attracted to someone who in some way reminds us of the person who caused our pain, and we subconsciously try to “reform” the story with him. Here the relationship is not the present, but rather an attempt to rewrite the past.

A woman her mother may have ignored throughout the childhood in love with a emotionally cold man. A man who has attracted his feelings throughout his life may be attracted to a partner who always needs someone to save him, to feel his value by helping her.
On the surface, this looks love. In the depth, it is an arrest of the closure of an old wound in an unconscious manner.

Partner or mirror?

Emotional relationships often act as a mirror, reflecting us what we are trying to ignore or deny. Whoever we choose and attract to it may not be the person we really need, but rather the person who “re -moved” pain that we did not face. Instead of solving it, we will live it.

For this reason, we may find ourselves repeating the same patterns: we love the wrong person, forgive neglect, adhere to the relationships that drain us, and we think that the problem is “unlucky”, while the truth is in our interior.

Love does not heal wounds … but reveals them

It is often said that love heals. This is partly correct, but it does not exempt a person from the responsibility of healing himself first. When we hold the other side responsible for our happiness, or to close our emotional deficiency, we turn it from a “partner” to “savior”. This is a stressful recipe for an unbalanced relationship.

The savior is tired, and the saved continues to feel impotence, and the relationship collapses at the first test.

When do we choose with an open eye, not with open wounds?

The first step begins with awareness: to see the wound without shame, and to understand how to direct our choices without realizing. To ask ourselves:

• Are I looking for someone who makes me feel loved because I don’t feel it alone?
• Do I stick to those who hurt me because I used to love that love is painful?
• Are I afraid of losing the relationship because I am afraid to confront myself?

When we treat the wound, the standard changes. We stop searching for what “completes us”, and we start searching for “accompanying us”. No savior, but a partner walking with us and we are satisfied with ourselves.

In the end, true love does not resemble films and does not play the strings of old pain. Love is mature, soft, flourishing in light of consciousness, not in the shadow of the wound.

The healthy relationship is not between a savior and a victim, but between two souls that chose to share the way, not to treat the past in the present.