‘Love & Basketball’ May Not Be the Perfect Love Story, but It’s Still a Love Story – ryan

In the ever-popular discussion about what much-loved movies didn’t age well, Love & Basketball is frequently in the mix.

Though Gina Prince-Bythewood wrote the film as a love story, over the years, the relationship dynamics between Quincy (played by Omar Epps) and Monica (played by Sanaa Lathan) have come under closer scrutiny, with many coming to the conclusion that their love story was a toxic one.

And while I agree, I still think two things can be true at the same time: It’s possible that, even if what they shared wasn’t exemplary of a healthy relationship, there was real love at the core. It wasn’t ideal, but it was there.

First of all, neither of them came from parents who could model positive relationships themselves. For Monica, who was headstrong, independent and driven, she saw her mother give up her dreams of being a caterer in exchange to stay home instead, and become someone who was essentially at her husband’s beck and call.

That meant that when it came to pursuing her career goals, Monica was uncompromising; and when it came to identifying some of the unhealthy patterns in her relationship with Q, she may not have had the know-how. And if she had a inkling, who could she ask for help?

Then there’s Quincy. His father was a big-shot NBA player who wanted Junior to follow in his footsteps. And though I actually think he was a decent father — often pushing for Q to finish his college education before going pro — he was, objectively, a terrible husband. He ran the household with an iron fist and belied his stand-up guy facade by repeatedly being unfaithful, even fathering a child outside of his marriage.

With examples like those, Quincy and Monica never stood a chance. Q specifically had zero emotional intelligence. His way of saying “I love you” was “Of all these girls, you’re the only I know who’s for real.” It was tragic.

Let’s also not forget that these two were childhood sweethearts and each other’s first crush. In the scene where they’re 11 years old and Q asks Monica to be his girlfriend, they negotiate the terms of their relationship as though it’s a business deal. Rather than the typical innocent, pure pre-adolescent relationship, what we see with Q and Monica in this scene is the beginning of a repetitive, destructive pattern, and sure enough, the scene ends with the two engaged in literal fisticuffs.

But amid all the chaos between the two of them, there’s something undeniably romantic there.

One of my favorite scenes comes when Quincy’s parents’ relationship begins to fall apart and we see that Monica was not just his love, but a safe space for him. He knocks on her window as his parents are having what must be their millionth argument and without saying a word, she lets him in, gives him some blankets, passes a pillow and lets him sleep on her bedroom floor.

I certainly wish there were more moments where we saw him do the same for her, but that scene showed the intrinsic understanding the two had. They knew and understood things about each other that other people simply didn’t.

The cringiest scene for many people — myself included — is when she asks to play him for his heart, just two weeks before his wedding. But again, I think it’s so off-putting now because we look at it through our current lens as opposed to the context in which it was made.

When I first watched the movie in the early aughts, it was one of the most emotional moments in the film and if we’re being honest, it was badass. So often in romantic dramas, it was the men who were making these sweeping gestures, but in Love & Basketballit was the woman — and that, once again, spoke to her agency. Sure, Q wasn’t Prince Charming, but he’s who she wanted and she went after him.

I think the thing I hate most about how people view Love & Basketball now is how it’s framed as though it’s the primary example of a bad love story. My Best Friend’s Wedding, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Daysand The Wedding Planner are pretty alarming in hindsight as well, and yet, people somehow are able to speak about them with nostalgic affection.

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Back in 2000, we didn’t have psychology terms such as gaslighting, toxic masculinity, fawning and bread crumbing, now so prevalent in the zeitgeist. There was still a stigma towards people who sought therapy, so how we watched and analyzed films was completely different. And certainly, much of the way we looked at love was also very different.

I could never in my right mind defend Love & Basketball as the gold standard of how relationships should be, romantic or otherwise. I’m especially not fond of how Monica’s passion for basketball is vilified and she was deemed “temperamental” for being so dedicated to her dream.

However, the reason the film became an instant classic, and why it’s held a special place in our hearts for so long, is because it resonated in some way. Whether it was from pining for unrequited love, recognizing our own toxic patterns or simply making us want better for ourselves, Love & Basketball was revolutionary.

It’s not the perfect love story … but what romance is perfect?