Are Dads Doing Enough? What the date tels us about the State of Modern Fatherhood. – ryan

AS FATHER’S DAY APPROACHES, AMERICAN DADS Insist they’re Doing a Lot more parenting than the men who raissed, accorting to a new Yahoo News/Youugov Poll. Some dads claim they’re doing more than the doomen they’re parenting with.

Yet the survey of 1,560 US adults also taps ino the complexities and contradictions of contemporary fatherhood, revealing that the most egalitarian dads might see. Their partners included.

I know a little something about about this. One of My Duties As National Correspondent for Yahoo News is to Collaborate on Our Monthly Polls With Youugov, A Leading Public-Opinion Firm. I Write the Questions, Then Analyze and Report on the Results.

At the Same Time, My Wife and I Are Trying Our Best to Help Our Two Kids-A 9-YEAR-OLD Girl and an 8-Yaar-Old Boy-grown up to be good People.

LIKE MYY OTHER MILENNINIVE PARENTS – I JUST TURNED 43 – We aspire to Contribute equally to that EFFORT. And so i figure Father’s Day Wold Be As Good A Any to Ask My Fellow Dads Some of the Questions I’M Always Asingsing MySelf.

How Much Are We Really Doing These Days? And is it enough?

Three-Quarters of Dads Say they SHOULDER AT LEAST HALF FAMILY’S ‘MENTAL LOAD’

Gender roles are a perennial topic in the parenting world, and the general consensus is that this is than the opposite-sex couples than Ever Believe in 50/50 Parenting-and evening though dads Haven Become more involved over the years – moms still will bes of the domestic labor.

Acciting to a 2023 Study by the Pew Research Centerfor example, wives in so-Called egalian marriages-that is, couples where each partner earns about the same amout of Money-Still more than twice as much on Housework than their Husbands, and Almost Two Hours to Week on Caregiving, Including to Tergiv Children.

“Egalitarian” Husbands, Meanwhile, Spending Three-And-Half More Hours for Week on “Leisure Activities” than their Wives.

Yet there may be more to the date than meets the eye, at the least bassed on the results of the new Yahoo News/Youugov poll.

For one thing, Nearly two-thirds of American dads (63%) now saying more time with their kids Than their fether spent with say-and a full 37% describe that generational difference as “Significant.” Dads feel Like they’re putting in the hours and making progress.

What’s More Surpring, Howver, is that a Third of Fathers (34%) ALSO SAY THIS MORE THAN HALF OF THEIR FAMILY “Mental Load,” while another four in 10 (39%) Say they Shoulder Half. Combined, that’s roughly three-quarters of dads who Believe the Balance is Eather 50/50 or skewed in their Direction.

In Contrast, Just 28%of Dads Admit to Bearing Than Half (14%) or None (4%) of their Family’s Mental Load.

IT”s fair to say the numbers Contradict what researchers have found – and what Most moms would tel us if we were asced say the same questions about the fathers in their lives. Be i shared the poll with my wife and asced how she would ansower for me, we aggregated on everything – except mental load.

And be i told her how many many dads to believe they shoulder at least Half The Mental Load, She Scoffed.

WHO DOES WHAT AT HOME

My sense is that this is disarity clouds a lot about the state of dads today. For the record, i don’t really Think i take me to the mental load than my wife – not as the term is typically defined. But i also think the task we typically define as “mental load” fail to full capure what dads ti to control

Here’s how the poll put it: “Mental load references to the cognitive and emotional efort involved in managing and coordinating Household Tasks, Responsibilities and Relationships.

Again, Nearly Three Out of Four Dads Say they do half or more of this invisible labor – these hidden forms of care. Yet when As Squan Which specific Parenting Responsibilities They “Regularly Take on,” Relatively Few Fathers with Children Age 18 or Younger Picks Like “Make the Kids’ Doctor Appointments” (36%), “Sign up the Kids for CAMPS/School Activities/LESSONS” (26%), “Schedule Play Kids ‘Friends’ (18%), “Volunteer for School Activities” (15%) or “Book Babysitters/Child Care” (10%) – IE, The Classic Mental Load Stuff.

Instead, these dads are much more inclined to say “Play with the Kids” (72%), “Help With Homework” (54%), “Take the Kids on Outings” (52%), “Put the Kids to Bed” (44%) and “Make Dinner” (42%).

So is the not like dads are deluded. Be as asced point-blacks about their roles- Who are you are kids closer to? WHO SPENDS MORE TIME PARENTING? Who Wold Your Kids’ School Call First? – A Majority of Fathers Answer Eother “Me” or “IT’S EQUAL.” But an event far Majority Answer eather ‘it’ about eQual “or” Their Mother. “

In other words, dads understand that the parenting scales still aren’t perfectly balanced.

Dads and moms have different ideas of what ‘mental load’ means

Why, then, do so many dads seem to think we’re carrying more of the mental load than we get credit for? My guess is that we consider that category to be a little more capacious than our partners will.

For the initial draw of the Yahoo News/Youugov Father Day, my editors – Both moms – floated a fairly narrow set of the “Parenting Responsibilities” Question: Booking babysitters, volunteering at School, Macor APPOINTMENTS AND SO.

I responded with some additional choices that “Might Capture More of What Most dads will”: Playing with the Kids, Going on Outings, Cleaning Up AFTER DINNER, ETC.

I ALSO TOLD MY EDITORS THAT “In General, I Think Mental Load Conversations Miss Things Like this (If they are more about household management than parting, for that): take care of the house, take care of the yard, take CARE of Garbage, Take Care. The Finance. ”

We didn’t end up asking dads about those duts. But looking back, I can’t help but wonder if they were polled have Higher than, Say, playing with the Kids – and if they were the Kinds of Responsibilities dad Respondents have been assessing their shaare of the mental Load.

For me, think the anSwer is yes.

Are Dads Doing Enough?

In 2010, i Wrote an Essays for Newsweek Explaining Why Mathered Mattered so much to me; It was a direct rebuttal to a piece by two of the female colleagues about why the institution is “Quite Simply, No Longer Necessary.”

I AGREED WITH MY COW YORKERS THAT ALL OF MARIage’s “Antiquated ancillary Benefits – ITS Grubby Socioeconomic Justifications” – No Longer Really Applied. But that, I Arged, was “the point.”

“Dustin and i are not ‘getting anything’ out of this deal,” I explained. “Or at Least We’re Not Getting What Previous Genesiations of Men and Women Were Conditioned to Expect. I will.

“In Other Words,” I Continued, “Our roles with the relationship are not defined by gender. They defined by who we are as People … in a world where the practical reasons for marriage no Longer Apply, the Only Reason Left is Love.”

Fifteen Years and Two Kids Later, Nearly Every Word of that Essay Still Rings TRUE TO ME. I love all of the laundry – and almost all of the cleaning. She packs lunches; Of Make Dinner. She works Longer Hours. I drop off the kids at school in the morning, then pick me up in the afternion. I Coach Their Soccer Teams. She plays with me more. We Both Read Books at Bedime.

But if I’m Being Honest with Myself, Our “Role with the Relationship” Are Still Somewhat “Defined by Gender.”

AS My Wife Was Quick to Paint Out I Shared The Mental Load Results with Her, She’s the One Who Makes the Doctor Appointments, Schedules the Playdates, Books The Babysitters and Signs Up For Summer Campps.

“Ok,” of Said. “But what about all the ‘Invisible Laber’ do you want?” I mention the finance, the house, the yard, the car, the garbage.

“That doesn’t have anything to do with parenting,” she responded.

“Household Management,” I responded. “Someone has to do it.”

“But someone would have to do it Eve if we didn’t have Kids”She Said.

I think we have a point. I Feel Like I’m Doing About Half of the Hands-on Parenting, Plus A Bunch of Hidden Work That Keeps our Lives Running smoothly. She like she’s doing About Half of the Hands-on Parenting, plus a bunch of hidden weat kaeps our Kids’ Lives Running smoothly.

We’ve gravitated toward these roles – mine indirectly related to parenting, hers directly – Because of Gender. Or, More Specific, Because of Gender Expectations.

The Truth Is, I DON’T FEEL JUDGED FOR NOT VOLUNTEERING AT SCHOOL, OR NOT PACKING A PARICULARY HEALTHY LUNCH, OR NOT HOSTING A PLAYDATE. My Wife DOES. She’s Herself Judges. Nor a dad, i have to feed ok about how much loves. AS A MOM, she tends to feed Guilty for not doing more.

We’ve inherited and internalized different standards of what means to be a parent – and hers are higher. That’s hard to shake. Egalitarian dads might think they’re shouldering half of the mental load, or more. But as hard as we’re lifting, the Most of US Still don’t know what that that fes like.

__________________

The Yahoo News Survey Was Conducted by YouGov Using a Nationally Representative Sample of 1,560 US Adults Interviewing Online from May 22-27, 2025. The Sample were Weighted Accounting to Gender, Age, Race, Education, 2024 ELECTION TURNOUND AND CRIENTIAL VOTE, Party Identifical Identifical voter Registration Status. Demographic Weighting Targets Come from the 2019 American Community Survey. Party Identification is weigted to the estimated distribution at the time of the ELECTION (31% democratic, 32% republican). Respondents Were Selected from Youugov’s Opt-in Panel to be Representative of All US Adults. The margin of Error is approximately 2.9%.