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Should smart women play dumb to get hitched?

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I say no. You are smart, you are smart. Hallelujah. Now, on to finding that one man who can handle that.

Study findings that men are intimidated by intelligent women, or as one magazine put it: “turned off by clever women unless they are beautiful”, keep causing a buzz every few months.

Well, that is no longer news, I believe; especially considering that women too, are turned off by unintelligent men. Men and women define love and contentment differently. While for men intimacy is mostly sexual and physical, for women it is emotional and multi-dimensional. That’s why we like the phrase ‘we need to talk’ just as much as the men dread it.


So, naturally, an intelligent woman will want to use her brain optimally, not just to make money and a good home, but also to improve her sex life. She will ask questions. An intelligent woman will have money. She will freely voice her dissatisfaction and demand for more. And she is less likely to need a man in the way many men need to be needed.

More women today own cars and can change a flat tyre within minutes. They do have handymen on speed dial, and the last straw: many reportedly have dildos to substitute a husband’s stuttering sex.

So yes, a woman with the smarts is not one many men can take. And what complicates things further is that even while every thing may change and women make their own money and grow more independent, at the end of the day, like their male counterparts, their core attractions in a man do not change.

They want men they can count on; men who take charge and are not intimidated by a woman’s power, brains or money. Now, for the over-achieving woman, finding that kind of man is comparable to searching for a needle in a haystack, because where he exists, that man will also be busy looking for a woman whose intelligence does not challenge his own.

For some, marriage happened at a younger age when both husband and wife were riding on nothing but ‘potential’. Where there was true love, a connection and passion, a later explosion of a wife’s career or financial clout may not change the dynamics of the marriage – including sex – much.

But I have seen other couples where tables were flipped; they went into the marriage with the man as the custodian of all the union’s money, power and decision-making. But a tide turned and he suddenly found himself dealing with a larger-than-life businesswoman, politician or corporate head, whose money called the shots; and many of those men have failed to deal.

I did not know that these things even caused actual erectile dysfunctions in men, but they do; so, the study is not far-fetched. One husband admitted to developing performance anxiety when it came to making love to his wife, because of how much money she suddenly had, after going from years of unemployment to a very good job.

“He had been persistently having premature ejaculation issues and our marriage was at break point because of it,” the wife said.

Luckily, they managed to talk about it and he admitted, he felt intimidated by her. She embarked on a journey of reaffirming him and ensuring that not much changed at home, from what used to make him feel like a king before.

Similarly, they agreed that he resumes making her feel loved and special, regardless what was in her purse. And like that, another marital disaster was averted. They now know what the phrase ‘marriage is hard work’, means.

Everything they do to and for each other is intentional and well-thought-out. So, if your wife is intelligent or powerful, lucky you; just be more deliberate in the way you love her, bearing in mind that she will find the emasculated version of you such a turn-off.

If you become intentional in the way you love her, she will reciprocate by deliberately making sure you stay on your pedestal, and the sex in that marriage shall be one of the beneficiaries.

carol@observer.ug







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