This topic is always painful, and therefore causes a lot of talk. Some women, foaming at the mouth, argue that they would never trade a native child for a man, even a prince on a white horse. But in actual fact it turns out that your own child is a mother who needs to arrange her personal life. And it turns out that children born in a hasty marriage often remain with their grandparents, or even go to an orphanage while the mother weaves a new love nest. What is most interesting, children are rarely taken to these “new nests”: they say, they are used to living without them, they and their grandmother are good.

But do we have the right to call the mother who left the child to her parents, in order to adjust her privacy, as a cuckoo? It all depends on what values ​​are more important to her. If a woman chooses parent-child relationships, she will not exchange a son or daughter for a new partner. Rather, she will meet with him on the side, and after some time he will let him into his family, if he is convinced that the man fully complies with her ideas about what the father (stepfather) of the child should be. And if romance is more important for a girl, she prefers to be a “mom on the weekend” than to be torn between a new love and a parental debt. And it’s not at all the fact that if the time of their communication with the child is limited, then he will receive less of the maternal affection and care. In addition, often the father and mother who went through a divorce share parental responsibilities in court: for example, the child lives with the father for half a week, the other half with the mother. Thus, the mother cannot spend all the time with the child, even if she really wants to. So, Catherine from Florida divorced her husband, an American, and they still have a thirteen-year-old son. New love Katie, serviceman Michael, lived in the northern state, and she planned to move there with the child. But the court decided that the boy would not go anywhere and would stay with his father in Florida. Kate had to move back from the North in order to be able to live with the child at least half a week. The new husband came with her. GR asked a clinical psychologist, a gestalt therapist Alexandra Funtova, is there any “right” answer to the question of who is more important: a man or a child? “It’s as difficult to answer who is more important - a man or a child, as well as the question whether it’s better to have a hand or a leg, for example. Because the options to choose are not the opposite. This is a relationship of a different order: romantic / partnership and child-parent. They are needed for different things, satisfy different human needs and bring different pleasure. It would be rather meaningless to compare them, and even more so to assess them by their degree of importance. Needs are rarely in clear sequence over a long period. Right now it may be more important for you to feel self-care and love - then romantic relationships will come first for you, but once the need is met, it may happen that the desire to give warmth and share your knowledge will be in the first place - and The first place is the child. All this, of course, is rather arbitrary, the system of needs is much more complicated and complicated, but it is important to show that it is impossible to choose once and for all - your desires will change. And it is important to learn to hear what you want right now. Try to understand what is important to you in your relationship with a man and with a child. Allocate a separate time for one and for other relationships. Yes, at first children take away most of it, but gradually the balance will be restored. Try to connect a man to the process of education. This not only helps to establish a connection between him and the child, but also relieves you a little, and most importantly, it is very touching. By the father’s participation, I understand not only the immediate change of diapers or bedtime, it is also important to discuss your joint plans, problems and fears. If the conversation does not stick, you feel that the man is moving away, and you have a growing sense of loneliness - this is an occasion to turn to a family psychologist and establish harmony in your family. And finally, do not forget about another important need - to be alone with yourself. Any emotions and attitudes take power, do not forget to restore them. ”